Bewerber brauchen Selbstbewusstsein - und viel Humor!

Fiktive Bewerbung Tucholskys um eine Ausbildungsstelle

Kurtchen Tucholsky
Im Elchesgrund 3
10001 Berlin


Bleibetreu & Söhne
Buchverlag
Moseltal 8
54382 Trier

Berlin, den heutigen

Betr.: Uns alle

Sehr geehrte Herren Vater und Söhne,

mit diesem Blatt bewerbe ich mich bei Ihnen um eine Ausbildungsstelle zum Verlagskaufmann. Zu Ihrer Erfreuung kann ich Ihnen mitteilen, dass Sie mir nur noch den Verlagskauf beizubringen brauchen, denn ein Mann bin ich bereits.

Meine Wahl fiel auf Ihren Betrieb, weil auch Sie in den Gelben Seiten stehen - auch Sie, meine Herrn! Außerdem ist von allen 20 Trierer Verlagen, die ich mit Bewerbungen behellige, gerade der Ihre im schönen Moseltal zu finden. Und dessen Liebreiz wussten bekanntlich schon die alten (und jungen) Römer zu schätzen.

Sie werden mich vielleicht fragen, ob ich denn auch zum Beruf des Verlagskaufmannes geeignet sei. Und ich werde Ihnen antworten, dass Sie keinen geeigneteren Mann für diese Stelle werden finden können! Schon in jungen Jahren interessierte ich mich für den Kaufmannsberuf und lernte ihn in unermüdlichem Spiel mit meiner Schwester Gunda und der Kusine Lottchen kennen. Auch im Verlegen habe ich schon Großes geleistet, und mein Onkel Hubert pflegt zu sagen: "Wart mal ab, Jung', bis de so alt bist wie icke, dann wird dat noch viel besser werden!" Mein Onkel weiß, wovon er spricht! Er verlegt täglich mindestens drei Sachen so gründlich, dass er sie erst eine Woche später wiederfindet. Kurzum: Ein Talent von meinem Format werden Sie wohl schwerlich ablehnen können!

Auf Ihren positiven Bescheid wartet daher

Ihr zukünftiger Mitarbeiter

Kurt Tucholsky

User Experience: Da ist noch unglaublich viel zu tun!

Man muss nicht jahrelang Websites erstellt haben, um frustriert zu sein über schlecht gemachte Online-Präsenzen und Handy-Apps - es genügt vollkommen, nur die Benutzer-Seite zu kennen! Wenn ich mich beispielsweise über mein Handy auf der Instagram-Website anmelden will, weil ich gerade keine Lust oder Zeit habe, mir die App herunterzuladen, nur um immer wieder an der Fehlermeldung "Verdächtige Anmeldung!" zu scheitern, ist das extrem frustrierend. Es muss dem registrierten User doch irgendwie möglich gemacht werden, sich anzumelden! Warum geht es partout nicht? Ebenso enttäuschend ist es, wenn ich auf der Karriere-Website der SAP vergeblich nach Filtermöglichkeiten für die erfreulich hohe Anzahl an Suchergebnissen Ausschau halte. Da frage ich mich doch, ob die wirklich Profis in der Datenbankverwaltung sind? Schließlich ist das Sortieren und Filtern von Daten eben das Kerngeschäft im Database Management. Und warum stellt mich meine Bank vor unterschiedliche Möglichkeiten dafür, eine Überweisung zu tätigen - je nachdem, wo ich auf "Überweisung" geklickt habe? Sie zwingt mich dadurch, mir zu merken, wo ich hinklicken muss, um meine bevorzugte Methode fürs Überweisen zu erhalten - und verlagert somit "elegant" die Verantwortung für die User Experience auf die Nutzerseite. Der Nutzer sollte aber diese Verantwortung generell nicht tragen müssen.
Meiner Erfahrung nach klaffen bei unzähligen Internet-Angeboten die technischen Möglichkeiten auf der einen und die Nutzerfreundlichkeit auf der anderen Seite extrem weit auseinander. Anscheinend macht sich kaum ein Anbieter die Mühe, die eigene Website oder App mit den Augen des Users zu sehen oder gar als User zu durchforsten. Wer eine Website mit einem Standardziel vor Augen testet, der steht meist bereits nach ein paar Klicks hilflos da und fragt sich, wie es weitergeht. Mit Standardziel meine ich zum Beispiel das Finden passender Jobs auf einer Karriere-Website oder das Eingeben des eigenen Stromverbrauchs auf einer speziell dafür erstellten Landing Page. Natürlich auch das Hochladen eines Fotos auf eine Website, die eigens für das Teilen von Fotos gedacht ist.
Das Zeitalter der guten User Experience ist auf den meisten Plattformen noch Zukunftsmusik. Es bleibt zu hoffen, dass immer mehr Anbieter aufwachen und sich aktiv um eine Verbesserung der Nutzererfahrung bemühen. Damit das, was technisch längst machbar ist, dem Internetnutzer endlich zu einer angenehmen und schnellen Erreichung seiner Ziele verhilft.

Why Did Jesus Become a Human Being?

Yesterday, I sat in a beautiful old chapel and contemplated a crucifix. This led me to think about the reasons why Christ came down to earth and walked among us human beings. The obvious and well-known objective of his incarnation was that he wanted to save us through the sacrifice of his death. But in my opinion, there are more reasons, also important, even though maybe less evident. Here's what came to my mind:

1. Jesus embodied God's love for the human race. The bible tells us that God loves us, but since He is a somewhat abstract being for us, it is easier to understand Him by looking at his incarnated son, Jesus. The deeds of Jesus explain e.g. His support for the weak and underprivileged very well.
   
   
2. In the same way, Jesus was a concrete model for us. He showed us how we should ideally behave in different situations. This is, of course, very helpful for a Christian. It is good to have the 10 Commandments, but even better to see how they can be implemented.
   
   
3. Jesus was also the living proof of the fact that a human being can actually be directly connected to God. One definition of "sin" is something that stands between God and a person, an obstacle for the perfect connection with God. We are all God's children, but most of us are wayward and stubborn children, not in perfect harmony with our Father. Jesus proved, however, that it is possible to be incarnated and at the same time one with our Creator. In this respect, Jesus gives us hope: We can attain this state of harmony.

Heaven and Hell

How would you define heaven and hell here on Earth? My definitions are:

Hell: If you are in a place you don't like together with people you hate and maybe doing something you don't like.

Heaven: You are surrounded by the people you love in a secure and beautiful place and you can do whatever you want to.

If I had to reduce the criteria, I'd say: It's the people who count the most.

War is Madness

My main impressions after watching Francis Ford Coppola's "Apocalypse Now (Redux)"

I read somewhere that Coppola almost lost his mind over the chaos of this film's long production. All I can say is that it was worth it. The film is a masterpiece. Every detail has its justification. Even the excess length of Willard's journey makes sense, since it corresponds to the fact that the Vietnam War dragged on and on, wearing down the US army.

The film builds up heaps of tension. Not only does it take Willard more than two thirds of the film to get to Colonel Kurtz, but when he first arrives at his camp, he does not even meet him in person. Instead, he is welcomed by an American photographer (Hopper), who describes Kurtz as a powerful genius. When Willard and Kurtz finally talk with each other, I exclaimed at one point: "It is all so clear!" In my opinion, the film manages to get across its statements in a very understandable way. Mistakes and doubts are excluded. Most of the statements follow directly from the visible action, others, from the dialogues or Willards thoughts.

The film depicts the cruelty of the war without any hint of glorification or sensation seeking. And despite all its cruelty, it is also an aesthetical piece of art. The harmony of the colours is e. g. overwhelming in the scene where Willard and Roxanne talk on the veranda. And you think: "Vietnam must be such a beautiful country - without the bombs, the fire and the guns."
Coppola does not attempt to wag his finger and blame anybody, since the fighting soldiers are the war's most tragic victims. He unveils the absurdity of the situation in its entirety. The message is not: "Don't start a war for the poor people's sake!". It is: "Don't start a war for your own sake."

Addictions - what is behind them?

Having a close look at the people around me, I have been struck by the fact that there is hardly anyone among my acquaintances who does not have a more or less strong craving for something, an activity or possession that they do not want to be without. For the sake of simplicity, let's call this an addiction - even though the psychological definition might not apply 100% to all of these cases.
Some of the people I know smoke, others eat too much, and a few are very much centred on sports. The shopping addiction has its varieties: Some go to the shops, others need their online shopping tour; the purchased goods may be clothes, or music CDs, books, films or whatever else one might have a liking for.

Normally, there is a reason for our actions. So, what do addictions do for us? Why do we stick to them and seem to be unable to get rid of them even though they may endanger our health, our finances or our social harmony? I think that an addiction is a replacement for something else we desperately want, but cannot get. Somebody who can satisfy all his or her needs does not develop an addiction. Now we must keep in mind that our needs are legion: It is not just about eating and drinking, sleeping, and having clothes to cover our body. We might have been searching for the love of our life. Our job could be too boring for us. We might long for more affirmation from others, but are usually ignored. Whatever it is we yearn to have, but cannot obtain - the situation frustrates us. Our subconscious tries to compensate for this lack by drawing our attention to things that are available. The consequences are obvious: Temporarily our frustration is relieved because we can enjoy something - smoke a cigarette, eat some sweets, wear a new pullover. But in the long run, we feel even worse, since the consequences of our addiction add to the unachieved goal that is still on our minds. According to my theory, an addiction is a survival strategy that does not solve the underlying problem, but keeps the mind from having to deal with a permanent tormenting basic frustration. It shifts our focus from the unavailable to the attainable.

We have to be clearsighted and honest in order to find our own addictions. Denial usually indicates that the problem is quite deep-rooted. If you are unsure if something is just a habit or already a compulsive action, just try to give it up spontaneously for a length of time. If you don't manage to or if it causes you great difficulty, you know you have developed a dependence.
The second step is more complicated: You must find the real lack in your life. What is it you always wanted and are still unable to get? For this process you should withdraw a bit from hectic day-to-day life. You need to spend some time on your own so you can listen to your inner voice. Go through the different areas of life (your job, your family, your friends, your hobbies) and see if there is something you miss. Would you like to have a better relationship with your children? Is there a hobby you always wanted to pursue, but never had the time, money or courage to start?
The third step is then to find the solution to the real problem. It is to be expected that the solution is not easy to find. Or else you would have long done what needs to be done instead of developing an addiction. The most important thing is that you believe that it is possible to improve your situation. Life is invariably bound to change - you must try to initiate a change that brings you closer to your aim. If you don't succeed tomorrow, you might succeed the day after. Time is your friend.

New at Blogger

It was by mere chance that I opened my blogger account. The first thing I did was change the background image, which reminded me very much of oldfashioned wallpaper. I'll try to create a better one when I have more time.